Feelings Nothing more than Feelings

I'm sitting here in my bedroom using my hubbies computer with his work internet. I haven't been feeling all that well lately. It's not the physical aspects of feeling sick. It's more the mental aspects.

I started a new job last month at a developmental preschool. I totally love it. It is the best job other than being a mom that I have ever had. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Monday I took P to the hospital because she still had a fever of 103. She had the H1N1 virus and strep throat. I tool Tai with us too because she had a fever and wasn't feeling well either. She just had a virus. So I got to stay home from work Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon I get a call from work from one of the teachers. She called to tell me that our boss had been in a horrible car accident that morning and she had passed away. She was 43. I was shocked that this wonderful woman who has had such an impact on so many people's lives died. I only knew her for a month. However in that month, I had learned so much about her and she had made such a wonderful impact on my life as well. They decided to keep the schools open which is what she would have wanted. She leaves behind her husband and three beautiful children. I have had such mixed feelings about this. I didn't want to go to the wake because I didn't really know her all that well. However I still went. I'm glad I did. I didn't stay long because I didn't really know anyone there. To see her family grieving really made me sad for them. When I finally met her husband, he said to me, "I should know you". I felt so bad telling him that I was one of the newest employees at the school. When I did tell him, he said he was so sorry. He apologized to me. I should've been the one apologizing to him. He only saw me a handful of times and I didn't expect him to know me. But he felt bad that he didn't know me. I told him that he didn't need to apologize. I'm sure that I also told him what everyone else who shook his and or hugged him that night told him as well.

So the weekend went off as well. This has stuck with me since Tuesday and it has made me feel a little lost. Friday (Black Friday) was her favorite day. She would go out and buy stuff not only for her personal family but her school family as well. I stood in line at Walmart at Midnight with my mom that night. As I did, I thought of her and how much she must have had on her mind before that accident happened.

As I set up my Christmas tree today, her family is in my thoughts. I hug my kids a little harder, watch the road a little closer and make sure my family knows that I am there for them all the time.

Heading back to work tomorrow may be hard or easy. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

On another note, I am setting up my Christmas tree today. I am excited to be decorating for Christmas for the first time in our new house. So much has changed since we moved here. The kids are back in public school, I'm working. They have activities most of the week after school and have their night activities as well such as girl scouts and cub scouts. On top of that I've started Weight Watchers. I've lost about 10 pounds since I started on my own. I started going to Weight Watchers a few weeks ago. I'll know how that went on Thursday, my second weigh-in day.

Hold your loved ones close and enjoy the season.

Auntie B.